My World of Letters: We Lost a Great Soul

I wrote this a year ago. I didn't do it because someone had instructed me to write something, its as if, the thoughts and words flowed out naturally. And by then, I realize, writing is therapy. Its just I had this strong urge before to put into words the stirring emotions, which are alien and bizarre. Right then after the texts are written, I find myself normally breathing again...

I, no we, are all devastated when we heard what happened to one of our colleague, our dear friend and brother, Kuya Nero.

At first, we were shocked when we heard he had a mild stoke, but heck, this is kuya nero, he is as strong as a bull! He is only 30 years old. He can surpass this. That was Tuesday, Sept 14. But Friday came, and we were shaken again, when we heard that he’s gone critical, in 50/50 condition.

We prayed hard.. then we were calm, hearing that he is now stable in Sinai. We asked Doc Stan, but all he said was “Just pray, we still don’t know what could happen”.

Last night, September 20, some of our colleagues went there to visit him. I thought he was ok, but still in ICU, because they did not said anything critical about him.

Earlier this morning, September 21, as I stepped out of the shower, I saw kath, floating dreamily in my front. I asked her why she got up early, and she answered me back with “mama, wala na si kuya nero.”

I felt dizzy, sad, its just like something siphoned my happiness out of my body. It was like you are being cheated, cheated by Hades.. We are not prepared, kuya nero is a very young man, full of energy and life, vigorous, always smiling… he is a good person. Was…

Amherst was grieving, you can not hear the laughter of the employees, all are staring at different directions blankly. As if there’s a heavy metal on our chest. And our body, jittering, shaking. I feel like my knees are jelly. Everyone’s having goosebumps. We still can’t believe what happened.

We spend the morning trying to coordinate with each other. A group of people went there to assist his immediate family. The ones left in the plant make arrangements for the Mass, songs, black ribbons, for the half mast flag, for the donation, flowers, for the transportation. Then I stopped and ask my self, why are we doing this. Hell! I still can’t accept that he is gone.

I run through my files and try to search for his picture. I notice that he is rarely on Amherst events and occasion; maybe he is an introvert dude, who is silent, and just enjoys his loneliness. But these few pictures I had show his face full of laughter, smiling, as if no one could ever make him weep.

But, some of the rumours I heard, was he was having problems perhaps, and he does not want to open these with anyone. Some say they can see him drinking to his problem alone. He hasn't gone to clinic for check up and monitoring even we all know that he is a hypertensive at his very young age. I wonder what’s happening inside him before he passed away. But nonetheless, at least right now, he is already peaceful.

Personally, kuya nero is dear to me, for the following reasons:

He is the son of sir nano, and sir nano is like a father to me. When I see him in the plant, its as if I am seeing my dad working on the machines in multilayered. He always reminds me of my father who is very loyal to the company.

When we processed his application, I learned that our birthdays are precedent; I’m Jan 29 and he is Jan 28.. I said wow, I think we have the same personality. Sir Nano said, “pareho kayong mabait”. It made my heart warm.

I remembered Sir Nano, he was very thankful when kuya Nero got in. I know how it made sir Nano proud during that time. Dad said, Sir Nano was full of gratitude.

Kuya nero was a co-member in RHO, though he is not that active, we still have a very few but good laughs together.

It was vivid in my memory, when they rescued our things and furnitures during the Ondoy disaster. In the midst of calamity, he even manages to make the situation light. I remember he said, “Oh san un oxygen niyo tska pangscuba? Da-dive tayo eh..” . I laughed hard that time.

September 22, wed, was the scheduled mass for Kuya Nero. Born not being a catholic, I was curious about what kind of mass service is offered for the departed. Alvin and I brainstormed for the mass songs. He said it should be solemn and sad. No opening song, only sad bells were heard. During the service, everyone can feel the eerie environment, everyone is silent. The priest greet us with “Magandang Hapon” and we answered back with the saddest “Magandang hapon din po Father” I ever heard. We are all weak, as if we do not deserve happiness anymore. Then the priest explained that it is still a good and beautiful afternoon because we are all there, and we are one with God, and it gives us a bit hope to continue with our lives.

I tried to listen to the homily but my mind was filled with sorrowful thoughts. I tried to divert my attention and think of the lines of the song I will sing but I ended up thinking of kuya nero still.

At the end of the mass, as a tribute to him, I prepared a picture of kuya Nero to be projected in front of Amherst while I sing “Paglisan”. The very thought of this activity made me almost tearful while we are still preparing. Surprisingly, it did not prepare me to what will happen. I did not know that as Ellie flashed kuya nero’s photo, I felt a hand gripped my heart. I said, how can I sing if I am feeling like this. I closed my eyes and tried to picture him alive and waving, departing, saying goodbye. But it made the situation worse; I fight back to held the tears. Until I savour to the song’s melody that I got the rhythm. I thought after singing, people will be laughing at me or will make fun of the song and the picture, but, it was the opposite. I felt a tinge of overwhelming emotion when I saw them with their bloodshot eyes and sniffing noses. I cannot help but suppress my tears again, because I know I had touched their feelings.

Kuya Neros is a dear man and a great lost to the people who know him. I personally, felt weak and sad, I was very affected. But I am trying to say to my self that God knows what’s best and His plans and ways have meanings. We may not yet understand it but in due time, we will. He will never leave us in despair. Kuya Nero’s soul is now with God. He is peaceful and all we have to do is to pray and believe that we will see him again someday in the loving arms of the Lord.

Good bye kuya Nero. We will miss you.. May you rest in peace.